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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Amy J and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

The morning started off with the usual: making school lunches and sending the kids out the door. But then I gave Branson (who is almost 2) a haircut and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.



I had to mow Ivy Glades which takes 2 hours if I drive the lawn mower like a mad woman. My mom could watch Branson but she absolutely had to pick up my grandma for an appointment by 2:00 which means I would need to be back to get Branson by 1:30ish. It was 11:10. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.



I latched Branson's car seat into my father-in-law's truck. I latched Branson into the car seat and then I had to run back into the house because I forgot my i-pod and sunglasses (both a must for mowing lawns for two hours.) I hooked up the trailer to the truck, loaded the lawn mower onto the trailer and dropped Branson off at my moms at 11:20. It wasn't until I was headed to Ivy Glades that it occurred to me that the lawn mower was out of gas and I noticed in my rear view mirror that the trailer looked pretty crooked.



I think I'll move to Hawaii.



After driving to the nearest gas station there was a line at every pump. The guy in front of me filled his tank and then nonchalantly headed into the mini mart to do some major grocery shopping. While I was sitting there it dawned on me that I didn't close the garage door at the house and no one was home. OK...so I will have to very quickly swing back by the house and shut the door. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.



When it was finally my turn to pump the owner of the store came out and began directing me. I wanted to tell him that "yes I am a woman but I can pull a large trailer through a gas station." Of course I didn't but when I tried to pull farther out past the pump he started waving his arms all crazy and yelled "stop!" There was still tons of room left! Oh well. When I got out he was instructing the lady behind me and he had her pull within two inches of my trailer. Ummmm, see the big tall sides on my trailer. Yeah, I kind of need to put the back of the trailer down so I can put gas in the lawn mower! I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.



I figured since I was in a hurry and I could reach only one of the lawn mowers gas tanks anyway I would only fill up one side. While I was stretched as far as my 4'11 frame would go...dangling over the tall wooden sides of the trailer...pumping gas into the lawn mower...the guy next to me said, "Hey do you know you have a flat on your trailer?" I assured him that the tire had a slow leak but that it was fine. Getting off the trailer and returning the nozzle to the pump I took a look at the tire...not looking good. I'll have to forget about returning home to shut the garage door cause this baby is only going to make it to Ivy Glades. I wish it could make it to Hawaii.



As I drove the 1/4 mile down the road worrying that someone was going to break into the house while I was gone, I heard the tire blow... then I heard the thumpety thump thump of a completely flat tire. I wasn't stopping for nothing...I pulled into Ivy Glades with a totally flat, steaming hot tire. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.



I figured I could worry about the trailer later. I was now going to enjoy some peaceful, although speedy, lawn mowing. As soon as I put my headphones in I realized that in my haste I had actually grabbed Anderson's old headphones. Not only do they not fit my ears but they have a terrible short in them. As I mowed, I got to listen to the background music of all my songs with an occasional burst of singing when I moved the cords just right. There also must have been something wrong with Ivy Glades sprinkler system because two of the large areas where I mow were flooded and I had to drive through several inches of water. Next week, I'm going to Hawaii.



I mowed the lawn in record time and loaded the mower back into the trailer. My plan was to unhitch the trailer and leave it and the mower behind while I ran to my mom's to get Branson. Yeah...I couldn't lift the trailer off the hitch with a heavy duty lawn mower on it! So I backed the mower down off the trailer. Even with the mower off, the trailer was extra heavy and totally lopsided with the flat tire. It about killed me, and I injured the muscle in my shoulder trying to get the dang thing off the truck, but I did it! I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.



When I went to load up the lawn mower I forgot what happens when a trailer is no longer hooked to a vehicle. As the weight of the mower landed on the trailer the front end sprang up toward me and the mower...I about pooped my pants! Then, of course, when the mower was completely on the trailer it fell back down again and I about pooped my pants for a second time.
With that all done I was ready to roll, until I tried unlocking the drivers side door off the truck and it wouldn't budge for nothing! Kicking it really hard didn't help either. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.



I unlocked the passenger side door and leaned over Branson's car seat to unlock the door from the inside. Yeah, That didn't work either. Cramming my body even further into the truck, my shoulder was on fire and so was my temper, I finally reached the door handle and pushed the door open. As I was climbing back out of the truck and over the car seat I heard the door swing shut and lock...again. I repeated my contortionist moves to open the door a second time and headed to my moms on time to get Branson. It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.



Some days are like that.



Even in Hawaii.

18 comments:

~The Robin's Nest~ said...

Wow! That seriously sounded like a Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!

Aloha, :)
Robin~♥

terramisu said...

Amy-
I don't know whether I should laugh or cry for you. Hope all is better and at least you can make fun of the whole thing after it is said and done.-lol

The Shlotthauers said...

oh Amy, how sad! I hope today was a little better:)

Aubrey said...

That is one awful day Amy! I wish for you to be in Hawaii. I hope your husband gives you a much needed evening in a hot bath.

Em and Ms said...

Wow, I feel much better about my day now. I just had to deal with a cranky two-year-old getting into lotion, soap, and diaper rash cream over and over and smearing them everywhere, including the carpet. That's nothing compared to your day! Brad and Phyllis are in Hawaii right now. I'm jealous.

SuzanSayz said...

"Poor, Poor, Amy", said her cousin Susan. "Such days should never happen in the world of Non-Fiction". "I know" said Amy (our Hero). "The problem" said Amy, "is that at a time like this, the thing that makes it even worse,is that there is no one to be angry at." "True, true" said cousin Susan. "It's always easier to have someone to blame."
Susan thought for a while. "Well" she said,"I can think of at least one good thing". "Really" said Amy. "And what would that be"?
"Well" said Susan. "At least my Mama says, that there aren't any Zombies, Ghosts, Vampires, Creatures, Demons, Monsters, Fiends, Goblins, or Things."
"You know what" said Amy, "That is so true. Suddenly I feel so much better".
And just like that Amy was able to forget about her, Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
"Thank you" she said to her cousin Susan. "No problem" Susan answered. "After all" she smiled, "That's what cousins are for."
Love ya AMY!
The End

Ben and Alissa said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry either! I think I did a little of both while reading, it just got worse and worse! But I, of course, found the almost pooping your pants part hilarious. Hope things are going better!

Cindy Brinkerhoff said...

This has been a Terrible, Horrible ,Very bad day... glad you survived it and look - its bed time now. I hope that tomorrow goes better.

Alicia said...

The best part of the whole post was the picture at the end. Perfect.

Heidi 'n' Jeff said...

When I got to the "almost pooped my pants" I had a good laugh. I'm so sorry you had a crappy day.

I should probably also say I'm sorry for laughing at your pain and frustration. I think you were possibly channeling Mr. Bean. :)

Noelle said...

oh this post is lovely. and the picture at the end just seals the deal that you win best post of the day. this is so frustrating i would be swearing at EVERYTHING.

Mike Brinkerhoff said...

Like Heidi, I had been amused throughout the whole story, but when it got to the first "pooped my pants", I laughed out loud.

Thanks Amy, for a true, genuine LOL moment!

Oh, and sorry about the whole terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Maybe you shoulda gone to Hawaii?

dandee said...

You poor thing. I hope today's better.

ashley said...

Oh Amy, I just kept reading and thinking...Can it get any worse!? And then it would! I hope you have a better day today. I know all about trailers and the pain they cause. When we were unpacking our stuff in Oregon, our trailer fell off its jack and right onto marcus' foot! He was pinned and we had to call 911, and it was midnight, and had flip flops on...that was our no good, very bad, day!

So the moral of the story is on days like those, Avoid Trailers!

Lisa said...

Oh, what a story, what a story! I hope at the end of this no good day you were at least able to soak in a hot bath :)

Nicki said...

You should publish that in a magazine. Sorry it was a bad day!

Svenja said...

You know what? Even if you had a terrible, terrible day (which it definitely was) I have to say that I lol when I read the part about the trailer bouncing up and down on you, because I just could see that huge thing bouncing suddenly and I can imagine you surprise (shock). Sorry, but I know with the timeline before the exact thing would have happen to me …I hope you days have improved since then. Have a great weekend.

Mikki said...

aw, Amy J., what a truly horrible day. I hope your shoulder is feeling better by now (and sorry, but I had to laugh at the almost poopin' your pants part. I could just picture myself in the same situation!).
I LOVE that book by the way. I have a really beat up old copy of it around here somewhere. I'm going to have to go pull it out and read it to the kids now!